Bursting the Balloon

Do you ever feel deflated? There were several instances today when I felt like all the air had been let out of me. Do you recall the feeling when you think of something really funny to say, you wait for the right moment to say it, and POP! the air is let out of your self-confidence balloon. A dear friend flashes you a look of confusion which you (being the sensitive, intensely emotional person that you are) take it as disdain and you feel like an idiot. Deep down inside, you know you're not stupid. But for a moment, however brief, you're crushed.

Why do I let things like that happen to me? I realize that even the best-laid jokes can go awry, but why does it make me feel like a babbling lunatic? The answer is so simple, it's mind-boggling. I care way too much about what other people think AND I think much too highly of myself. The solution to this double dilemma is not yet clear to me, but I think I know where to start. I need to stop taking myself so seriously.

People who do not know me very well tend to think I'm a very serious person, and I am, to an extent. I consider myself a realistic person, which can often turn into a pessimistic attitude if I'm not careful. I've been praying for God to cultivate a spirit of joy in me because, honestly, my natural instinct is to see the world for what it is and become kind of depressed. As a child of God, I am not called to misery, but to joy! Psalm 97 says: Light dawns for the righteous, gladness for the upright in heart. Be glad in Yahweh, you righteous ones, and praise His holy name. God's light shines on me, so I should be joyful! I'm not anywhere near perfect in the joy department, but Jesus is renewing my heart daily to delight in Him.

What fruit of the Spirit do you struggle with?